22,000 Square Feet for Criss Angel

 happy in above ground pool littleRobin Leach goes full bore with a virtual open house tour of Criss Angel’s new home in Nevada.

Nicknamed Serenity, Robin Leach describes it blithely as “inspired by an Old World Tuscan castle, Criss Angel’s extraordinary 22,000-square-foot home is a breathtaking 2 1/2-acre mountaintop paradise with spectacular views of the mountains and the entire Las Vegas Strip.”

How nice is it?

Well, The Association of Pool and Spa professionals named his 22,000 square-foot pool and spa as one of the “Top Five Most Beautiful Residential Pools in America, and it won the Gold International Award.”

We assume the award was for in-ground pools.  Our uncle Ben Hardy has one of the nicest above-ground pools in all of Michigan replete with a faux wooden deck that circles half of the dark blue plastic backyard oasis, two ladders, and a custom built twisty slide attached firmly to the decking and painted with bright red Rustoleum for years of enjoyment.

Robin Leach says Criss Angel’s new abode is the largest in his “triple guard-gated community

overlooking the Las Vegas Valley.” 

Does that mean he has three guards or three gates?  Language ambiguities vex us like nobody’s body lice.

Robin Leach breathlessly wrote about the bedroom in Serenity.  One gets to Criss Angel’s bedroom by following a path adjacent to the sculpture garden. 

“Walk along the exterior gardens called Whimsical Way (although he spells it differently) and gaze upon the priceless sculptures, and you’ll come to his master mega-spectacular, a 3,000-square-foot bedroom suite with phenomenal views and where his pet cat Hammie reigns over the exquisite dream estate. He probably knows more about the secret rooms than anybody else.”

One wonders how Criss Angel spells “Whimsical Way” differently.  Robin Leach gives us no help in the rest of his 2,000 word fluff piece.  Does Criss Angel spell “Whimsical” differently; or is it “Way”? 

We know the English spell “Way,” as W-H-E-Y.  Maybe that is only when they are writing about food eaten by arachnophobic maidens. 

We cannot think of a different way or whey to spell “Whimsical.”  That may be what separates us from the big time.  Our thinking is within the box; never venturing to the world outside its four walls where words are spelled differently and the pools are below ground.

We could continue on with a cynical screed on his proclamations that the large house, the millions, the celebrity mean nothing to him.  Family is the most important thing to Criss.  And yet, he lives alone in the 22,000 square-foot estate behind three gates or three guards on a differently spelled pathway working around the clock to improve his show.  But cynicism is a self-defeating approach to dealing with one’s own inadequacies – or something ridiculous like that.  We cannot recall what the fortune cookie said right now, but it was deep and heavy – like uncle Ben’s above-ground pool. 

He revealed to Robin Leach that “I didn’t get into magic to make millions or to be on TV. I got into magic to feel a sense of wonder, that feeling of gratification you get when you have that connection to the person you perform it for and the wonder that they feel.”

He promises 40 illusions for Believe this season.  That’s a lot of illusions for anyone.

But the illusions, the fans, the money, the cat, are not primary.  Criss Angel’s future is about giving back, says Robin Leach.

“I’ve been very blessed by the man upstairs. My future life will be about charity … that’s in the cards. I’m busier than I’ve ever been, but there will come a time when I’ll be able to work with more balance, smell the flowers and do things for others to make it a better life and a better world.”

Perhaps then the three gates or three guards will lose their importance.

In the meantime, Lance Burton will continue to pour his time and money into assisting children looking for protection, care, help, and even perhaps adoptive parents and Mac King will push on with his drive to help children read and send children to camp.

Read the full interview and the breath in the incredible slide show of photographs at the Las Vegas Sun.

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