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Criss Angel Risks Job Says Hobo Joe

criss-angel-and-holly-madisonWe know what you’re thinking.  Didn’t he just start a new job?  Isn’t it somewhat soon to take a vacation?

When we began work at the now famous Hobo Hot Kakes (“HHK” to locals) eatery in the old Sun Coast Shopping Market in West Palm Beach, Florida back in 1974, our family wanted to take a long-planned vacation to Valdosta, Georgia for the annual festival of agriculture and innovation.  This is long before Valdosta became the international city it is today.

Our new boss at HHK said no vacation or no job.  Even though we had a whole ten days tenure on the HHK bus/dishwashing crew, we couldn’t take a vacation until we had worked at least a year.

Our heart told us to go with the family to the Valdosta fest, but our brain said we could be messing up a job with enormous upside potential.  In the end, we stayed while the family went to Valdosta.  They had a great time, we got ringworm — for reasons unrelated to our work washing dishes but directly related to busing tables.

What stuck with us — other than the entrenched subcutaneous parasite determined to leave concentric circles beneath our nearly translucent skin — was a valuable lesson.  We had long ago forgotten that lesson and haven’t had another ringworm infestation in months.  But Criss Angel’s blithe disregard for the rules of “keeping a job” laid down by “the Man.”  Mess with the Man and you mess with everything.

Criss Angel is taking a two-week vacation from the show he just opened in Las Vegas, Believe.  Admittedly, the Cirque du Soliel may be more flexible than Hobo Joe and his wife Hobina Josephine, but still why take the chance?

What if the Cirque folks decide to hire someone else to do the job while he is with Holly Madison in the lovely and ritzy Cabo San Lucas, Mexico?

Sure, they haven’t called us yet but that could be for a lot of reasons that may have nothing to do with our lack of talent or renown.

Las Vegas is literally filled with magicians ready to take on the role as Criss Angel in a confused presentation of magic and avant-garde dancing.  If we were in his position, we wouldn’t risk it.  Stay with the job for at least a year before taking a vacation.  Don’t even call in sick for the first six months.  But Criss did not ask us for our opinion.

The Cirque people say the break was “long-planned.”  One wonders, however, how “long-planned” it could have been.  The show just opened a few months ago.

Robin Leach says Criss will return to Vegas next week and will be hard at work building new illusions for the show.  Someone swore Mr. Leach to secrecy on the number of new illusions.  “I know the exact number, but until all are working smoothly and are integrated,” says Mr. Leach in his must-read column today.

“I’ve promised not to reveal more. While the illusionist is away, members of the Cirque creation team also have been adding stage elements to the production, which they expect to have in place by March.”

Mr. Leach says Miss Madison, former girlfriend of Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Heffner, has been “dubbed next Pamela Anderson.”

What happened to the old Pamela Anderson?  Our guess is she took a vacation and lost her position.  It is a dog-eat-pup world out there.

Hobo Joe was more than an illiterate, toothless, womanizer who happened upon a million dollar venture selling pancakes to common folk who found charm in his inability to spell.  He was also a genius in the ways of the world.

One night, as we pulled burned batter from the tiled floor, Hobo Joe and Hobina Josephine strolled in from their night on the town.  They were humble people who did not forget their roots.  Although they could afford the finest champagne and most wonderful steaks, they preferred to eat Oscar Meyer hotdogs directly from the plastic bag, cold; and wash it down with some choice Sterno squeezings.

Hobo Joe held his wife’s hand in his and slurred to us, “having a job is good.  Having a job that don’t make you sun-stroked is better.”  Hobina Josephine giggled in her unique way that endeared her to her Hobo King and caused others to think she may have initiated a hairball launch sequence.

“Having a good wife is good too but having a good wife that don’t have the sense to leave you is about as good as having a good job without sun stroke.”

In essence, the Hobo King and his Hobina were living the American dream because they understood the importance of making their workers worry about losing their job for taking a vacation.  It is an important lesson for all of us.  Take no chances, keep the Man happy and don’t try so hard to be the next Pamela Anderson.

We hope things work out for Criss and Holly Madison and that they still have jobs on their return.  These are tough times.  Fear the Man.

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