Magic Stories

The Truth? You Can’t Handle the Truth About Magic Dealers!

Some Choice: The Truth or Jail!

Thank you to all who wrote in support of our brave stand against the forces
that be (or are). As you know, we were ordered by a Federal Judge to either
expose our sources for one of our recent stories or go to jail. We believed the
principle was worth our battle — and maybe even a return to the pokey.

The article documented the way some unscrupulous magic dealers rip-off
customers by intentionally selling less than complete decks. Our undercover
expose showed the so-called “Stripper Deck” is neither a deck of strippers nor
even a full deck.

In fact, our advance computer modeling program demonstrated
the so-called “stripping” of the deck actually removes portions of each card.
The deck you buy has actually less paper than a normal deck but costs more.

We also showed how a certain “magic” deck doesn’t even have 52 different
cards. In fact, our investigation revealed, some of these so-called “magic”
decks didn’t even have 26 different cards. Again, the unscrupulous sellers
charge more for each of these decks under the guise they are special. Yes,
they’re special alright! Special Bad. (Or Especially Bad or Especially
Badly).

If it hadn’t been for a free magic press, you would never know you were being
ripped off each time you bought a set of “four” multiplying billiard balls. In
our article, “A Shell Game?” we documented the way some of the traditional magic
shops take you for a sucker every time they sell you a set.

We took the accusations from the critics in stride. We’re used to it by now
but we do wish these alleged journalists could get our name right.

The New York Times called our series “moronic.” That putative “Paper
of Record” told its readers, “It is laughable to watch Tom Quiggley (sic) rush
up to Las Vegas Master Magician Lance Burton while screaming his demands for an
on-camera interview. ‘Lance, why won’t you talk about the billiard ball scandal?
How can you allow them to sell candles that won’t even stay lit and fall apart
when you take them out of their holders? What do you tell kids to do when their
canes can’t support their weight because they’re made so cheaply they
unravel?'”

Right. Whatever!

The Washington Post accused us of working the stories to help our
sweeps-week ratings. “Why else would Todd Quinine (sic) have a scantily clad
former stripper try to buy a ‘stripper deck’?”

Uh, we dunno. Maybe it’s called “investigative journalism?” Look it up in the
dictionary under “what you don’t know but should know!”

It was the Los Angeles Times who put the coup in the coup de
gras. “And when Tad Quimby (sic) was asked to reveal his sources, he thought
they said, ‘reveal your sores’ and exposed his hairy, pustuled leg for the
judge.”

First, “pustuled” isn’t even a word.

Second, it is easy to second guess when you’re playing Monday morning arm
chair quarterback through beer goggles that give you 20-20 hindsight.

If you had been there you would have figured the judge knew about the sores…

Some Choice: The Truth or Jail!

Thank you to all who wrote in support of our brave stand against the forces
that be (or are). As you know, we were ordered by a Federal Judge to either
expose our sources for one of our recent stories or go to jail. We believed the
principle was worth our battle — and maybe even a return to the pokey.

The article documented the way some unscrupulous magic dealers rip-off
customers by intentionally selling less than complete decks. Our undercover
expose showed the so-called “Stripper Deck” is neither a deck of strippers nor
even a full deck.

In fact, our advance computer modeling program demonstrated
the so-called “stripping” of the deck actually removes portions of each card.
The deck you buy has actually less paper than a normal deck but costs more.

We also showed how a certain “magic” deck doesn’t even have 52 different
cards. In fact, our investigation revealed, some of these so-called “magic”
decks didn’t even have 26 different cards. Again, the unscrupulous sellers
charge more for each of these decks under the guise they are special. Yes,
they’re special alright! Special Bad. (Or Especially Bad or Especially
Badly).

If it hadn’t been for a free magic press, you would never know you were being
ripped off each time you bought a set of “four” multiplying billiard balls. In
our article, “A Shell Game?” we documented the way some of the traditional magic
shops take you for a sucker every time they sell you a set.

We took the accusations from the critics in stride. We’re used to it by now
but we do wish these alleged journalists could get our name right.

The New York Times called our series “moronic.” That putative “Paper
of Record” told its readers, “It is laughable to watch Tom Quiggley (sic) rush
up to Las Vegas Master Magician Lance Burton while screaming his demands for an
on-camera interview. ‘Lance, why won’t you talk about the billiard ball scandal?
How can you allow them to sell candles that won’t even stay lit and fall apart
when you take them out of their holders? What do you tell kids to do when their
canes can’t support their weight because they’re made so cheaply they
unravel?'”

Right. Whatever!

The Washington Post accused us of working the stories to help our
sweeps-week ratings. “Why else would Todd Quinine (sic) have a scantily clad
former stripper try to buy a ‘stripper deck’?”

Uh, we dunno. Maybe it’s called “investigative journalism?” Look it up in the
dictionary under “what you don’t know but should know!”

It was the Los Angeles Times who put the coup in the coup de
gras. “And when Tad Quimby (sic) was asked to reveal his sources, he thought
they said, ‘reveal your sores’ and exposed his hairy, pustuled leg for the
judge.”

First, “pustuled” isn’t even a word.

Second, it is easy to second guess when you’re playing Monday morning arm
chair quarterback through beer goggles that give you 20-20 hindsight.

If you had been there you would have figured the judge knew about the sores
because he had your entire record in front of him. It was an honest mistake. And
“pustuled” is not a word at all. Look it up in the dictionary under “words that
are not in the dictionary!”

We reluctantly admitted we had no sources for the stories we ran. We even had
to sign a document verifying we were mostly clueless and simply looking to
sensationalize the mundane.

That’s justice for you.

It’s always the big guy sitting on the little guy’s head and stopping him
from employing strippers to stop people from cutting corners and charging you
more for it.

If we permit this kind of chicanery, we deserve to buy magic props that are
actually nothing like what they appear to be. If you’re okay with fake guns,
two-sided quarters, and blank decks that aren’t really blank but can’t be used
in a real card game either; then you deserve what you get.

A “Monkey Bar” isn’t a real bar and doesn’t have a monkey. The real truth
behind color changing silks? They don’t really change colors at all — it is
just a scam to make you buy more silks than you will ever need. Pixie Dust? Try
to buy it in the underworld red light district shops we visited — they’ll laugh
at you just like they laughed at us!

It was Dai Vernon or Patrick Henry who once said, “You show me a man who can
do investigative journalism about nothing, and I’ll eat your lunch through a
paper bag.” So true, Dai or Pat. So true.

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