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Our Akron Home Base

Today the Inside Magic Daily News is being written on a very small
keyboard attached to the even smaller mobile phone I purchased just to
get this copy in the system. “Where’s the big computer?” you may
ask. “Did you have to pawn it again to support your
addictions?” “Why are you so into clown shoes anyway?”
“You’re the Imelda Marcos of over-sized, gaudy colored, ugly
shoes!”

“Ha,” I say. “Imelda Marcos’ shoes
were more over-sized and ugly than any of the used clown footwear I
incessantly purchase.”

I have not lost my big shoes or my
gas-powered computer. I cannot operate the wireless transmitter
on a blimp over municipalities of more than 100,000 citizens. I
can, however, use a cellular telephone regardless of the size of the
city over which we noisily float.

Despite their appearance
from the ground, blimp travel has got to be one of the noisiest modes
around. I believe I am deaf and we are only half-way to Chicago.
The noise is likely the reason the FAA doesn’t care if you use a
cellular phone in-flight. You can’t hear a thing.

There
are not many of us left in the business; Blimp Performers. So
many were lost or scared off by the horrific Hindenburg and Graf
Zeppelin accidents — even though modern blimps use the inert and
non-flammable helium gas. I got this gig from a prop-comic who
was retiring after 22 years of entertaining executives and paying
customers aboard one of the seven commercial blimps in our US
skies.

Back in the Day – Goodyear’s Fleet

One’s magic must be pithy and silent to be
a success on a blimp. Passengers can become nauseous with any
cross-wind diminishing their attention span and willingness to read
your lips as you scream “pick a card!”

We have a mime on
board to perform tomorrow night and Friday morning. I have
already done two close-up sessions (sponge balls and chop cup) and in a
few minutes I’ll be on for a 21 minute session featuring silks, silks,
streamers, and silks.

My predecessor screamed some
parting words my way as we took my maiden voyage. “Once you stop
throwing up, it will be like riding a bike but with better
smells.”

I think that is what he said.

Our Akron Home Base

“Ha,” I say. “Imelda Marcos’ shoes
were more over-sized and ugly than any of the used clown footwear I
incessantly purchase.”

Back in the Day – Goodyear’s Fleet

My predecessor screamed some
parting words my way as we took my maiden voyage. “Once you stop
throwing up, it will be like riding a bike but with better
smells.”

I think that is what he said.