Magic Stories

Quinlan’s Inside Magic Innovation in Patter Awards
Tom Beckstrom of Muncie – Winner!

Thank you to all who participated in the Quinlan’s Inside Magic Open Call for Innovative Patter Contest.The judges had a great time reading through many of the scripts and we have decided to do this again next year.

Our first prize in both innovation and creativity goes to Thomas Beckstrom of Muncie, Indiana. He will receive the first place certificate and a gift card redeemable at Wal-Mart. We thank Wal-Mart for their sponsorship and support throughout the judging.

Trick: Professor’s Nightmare

New Name: Doctor’s Nightmare

Innovator: Thomas Beckstrom

Props:
Standard three ropes from Professor’s Nightmare and a bottle of Purell
Anti-Biotic Hand Cleanser (available at all Wal-Marts for less than you
would pay for a bottle of the competitor’s brand anywhere else).

You begin:

Well, it is Cold and Flu season once again.It seems like every year, someone in Taiwan sneezes and we all eventually get sick.

But that’s not exactly accurate.In fact, let me show you what I know about the prevention of the Common Cold and Asian Flu.

Show three sized ropes as you say:

We all know how important it is to wash our hands after we cover our mouth when we sneeze.

But do you know why?

It is because when we sneeze, we are blowing sticky pieces of bacteria out of our nose and mouth and on to our hands.Imagine these three pieces of white, soft rope are really streams of snot that could come out of the noses of three people.

A baby may have a little stream ? although, he probably wouldn’t know how to cover his mouth when he sneezes.

A
teenaged girl might have a medium length of mucous — although, being
concerned about appearances, she probably wouldn?t admit it.

And
finally, this long length of snot came from the enormous and chapped
nostrils of a full-grown man…

Tom Beckstrom of Muncie – Winner!

Thank you to all who participated in the Quinlan’s Inside Magic Open Call for Innovative Patter Contest.The judges had a great time reading through many of the scripts and we have decided to do this again next year.

Our first prize in both innovation and creativity goes to Thomas Beckstrom of Muncie, Indiana. He will receive the first place certificate and a gift card redeemable at Wal-Mart. We thank Wal-Mart for their sponsorship and support throughout the judging.

Trick: Professor’s Nightmare

New Name: Doctor’s Nightmare

Innovator: Thomas Beckstrom

Props:
Standard three ropes from Professor’s Nightmare and a bottle of Purell
Anti-Biotic Hand Cleanser (available at all Wal-Marts for less than you
would pay for a bottle of the competitor’s brand anywhere else).

You begin:

Well, it is Cold and Flu season once again.It seems like every year, someone in Taiwan sneezes and we all eventually get sick.

But that’s not exactly accurate.In fact, let me show you what I know about the prevention of the Common Cold and Asian Flu.

Show three sized ropes as you say:

We all know how important it is to wash our hands after we cover our mouth when we sneeze.

But do you know why?

It is because when we sneeze, we are blowing sticky pieces of bacteria out of our nose and mouth and on to our hands.Imagine these three pieces of white, soft rope are really streams of snot that could come out of the noses of three people.

A baby may have a little stream ? although, he probably wouldn’t know how to cover his mouth when he sneezes.

A
teenaged girl might have a medium length of mucous — although, being
concerned about appearances, she probably wouldn?t admit it.

And
finally, this long length of snot came from the enormous and chapped
nostrils of a full-grown man ? although, he probably didn’t cover his
mouth, he likely did wipe his nose and mouth ( pause ) with his sleeve.

You?re probably thinking, “Hey, I can’t get sick from the baby because his mucous did not travel far.And I doubt the teenaged girl’s snot would reach me because no teenaged girl would get within ten feet of me anyway.”

But maybe you are thinking, “I should be worried about the grown man?s discharge; after all, it is the longest.”

Snap the three ropes to make all the same length and say:

Well, you know what? Each of these snot strings can make you sick.The length the bacteria-laden stream travels is not nearly as important as where it lands.

Count the ropes to show they are all the same size and say:

So
the baby’s sneeze wasn?t covered but he was probably close to his mommy
or daddy or sister or brother and he transferred the germs that way.

The
teenaged girl?s germs don’t have to cross the classroom to reach you,
her sneezing towards her desk can infect you when you rush over to her
desk to see if she wrote any lovey-dovey notes about you.

And
the grown man’s nostril-based no-no’s may be mostly on his sleeve but
that doesn?t mean the sleeve won’t transfer the bacteria somewhere else.

In
fact, if he is a sweaty man, the slightly damp sleeve could serve as
bacteria breeding ground where the original line of germs actually
expands.

Show that the long rope is back to original length.

And
the teenaged girl?s desk was probably just the perfect distance from
her because most teenaged girls bury their heads when they are about to
sneeze.

So, her snot can be shorter than the sweaty grown up.

Show that the medium rope is still the same length.

And
finally, the little baby likely has a suppressed immune system because
he hasn’t been exposed to many germs and so chances are his germs will
be just as strong as those multiplying by the second on the sweaty man
and only need to travel a fraction of the distance of the teenaged
girl?s mucous.

Show that the small rope is again small.

The moral of the story is this:

When you sneeze

You must seize

The nearest tissue please.

Because from your nose

Comes a hose

Of germs as sticky as those.


So be you baby, teenie-bopper or sweaty man

You should do the best you can

To keep your snot only in your hand.

Then buy Purell to disinfect

Your face, desk or sleeve just perfect

Lest you spread disease by neglect.


And You Bow to Applause

Mr.
Beckstrom has a further routine that ties into this one using a Glorpy
(the Haunted Hank), a Devil?s Napkin, an Egg Bag with a finale using
tiny balls of dried rubber cement.

We didn’t think it necessary to print the entire Anti-Germ Act here.

Second Prize:

Tanya Lunt of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida for her PETA-inspired Sawing a Girl in Half Using a Lab Chimp.

Honorable Mentions to:

“Splandango
the Manifico” of City of Commerce, California for his or her (we weren?t
sure from the name) Diversity is Reality using the Fraidy Cat Bunny
that turns color when scared and then turns to leave the intolerant
town.

David Alavarez of McAllen, Texas for his Siberian Chain Escape to teach the danger of the Bondage and Discipline lifestyle.

We should note that not all of the scripts taught a lesson or advanced an agenda.

Wilma Francone of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, sent along a delightful routine for kid shows using the Miser’s Dream Coin Pail.

She
invited different kids to come up and have them shake their heads over
the bucket causing the coins to fall out of their hair.

“Don’t you wonder how your uncle or dad can pull coins out of your ears all the time? Don’t you wonder how the tooth-fairy can put coins under your pillow without you knowing it?

“The answer is that your hair is filled with coins.Who
knows, maybe next time your uncle or dad reaches behind your ear to
find a coin, it won’t be there because we got them all out here.”

Honorable Mention:

Karen Korotovani of North Chicago, Illinois, also submitted a
routine addressing the need for proper hygiene to avoid a cold or flu.

She modified the Slydini Paper Balls Over the Head trick to talk about the proper disposal of used tissues.It was a funny routine and certainly timely but she did not win because of her use of offensive language.

The judges thought the routine could have been cleaned-up without affecting the humor. The judges also thought she had some anger issues she should work through with a trained counselor.

Here is a snippet of her routine:

Start to roll ball in hand as saying to victim sitting on chair and say:

“Hey, dumb s___, do you know how I make Kleenex dance?

No?

I putting in a little boogie.”

Pause and blow nose into Kleenex and make it dance on victim?s head.

“Seriously, do you know what to do with a Kleenex after you have blown your nose?

“No? You dumb ___ of ____ a dog?s mother.

“Maybe that’s why your ____ sleeves are ____ing covered with glistening snot gel and ___!

“Do you even use a Kleenex?

No?”

Make Kleenex ball vanish by throwing over head of victim and say:

“So what you do, then? You sneeze on your hand.”

Pretend to sneeze on your hands and then wipe them on victim?s coat or shirt.

“Are you a ____ing ____? Do you want to make other people as sick as you, you ____ing piece of ____?!”

Roll up ball and show it to victim.

Hit victim in face with ball as if you were
trying to throw it over head but missed ? this makes audience cackle
often. If not, they’re a bunch of retards.

“So, Boom!You say to someone one, ‘Hello, you know me, I am a selfish ____. I don?t give a rat’s ___ about you or anyone.

Here, you piece of ____, eat my ___ snot, you ___ing ____.'”

The
judges also wish to point out that Kleenex is a registered trademark of
the Kimberly-Clark Paper Company and should never be used as a noun,
only an adjective, and only to describe the source of a particular type
of facial tissue.

Thank you to all of our competitors.





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