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Beyond Curious — Where Is Melanie Kerr?
Melanie, Where Are You?

Eighteen months ago today, I asked my good friends in the magic world — through the various bulletin boards — what was going on with Melanie Kerr and her website.

Inside Magic is a massive organization with fives of dollars worth of equipment and some of the most talented non-programming types working upwards of two to three hours a week to produce what you read here on a daily basis — except when we had that horrible incident a few weeks back and we were essentially dead in the water.

But every month I read Magic Magazine and every month I see full page or quarter page four-color advertisements for Melaine Kerr and her website. But when I try to learn more, something really bad happens.

Read On . . .

I don’t know Melanie Kerr. I’ve never met her and I hope that she is doing well. I have read the Magic Magazine for quite a while and was always impressed by the professional quality of her advertisements. They were big, clean and in four-colors. That has got to cost some bucks.

To give you an example: when I tried to take out a dealers’ only ad in a major magic publication (not Magic Magazine) for my “Levitate Any Spectator,” I was amazed by the cost. For just one month, it would cost me more than $1,200. That figure included the set-up, camera-ready something or other, and the final ad placement. That was for a half page. Sure, there would be a discount if I put the same ad in for the next seven or eight years, but that only shaved a few bucks off the $1,200.

I couldn’t afford it and so I went to a bank to borrow money to pay for the ad. The banker said I had a lousy business plan because no bank would support a magic trick and certainly not one that was already done by David Blaine. I tried to explain that my trick was different — I made the spectators (up to three or 500 lbs) levitate up to 18 inches off the ground.

The distinction was lost on the “Junior Vice President in Charge of Saying No.” He suggested I invent a way to tear the head off a chicken and make it come back to life. I didn’t bother to tell him that Blaine had done this one as well. I stole one of their pens — nearly jerking my arm out of joint when the chain snapped me back to the teller cage — and left.

Melinda is Still Number One in My Book

So anyway, I sit and brood and read magic magazines of all types and keep seeing Melanie Kerr and her beautiful ads and her mkmagic.com. I finally went to the site and found it to be a nice site. There are some nice interviews and a crystal casket for sale along with some starter tricks. At the top of the page, there is an image of the lovely Melaine lying on a beach or some place where it is so hot that you can barely wear anything. She invites you to join her magic club to get free pictures and newsletters and…

Melanie, Where Are You?

Eighteen months ago today, I asked my good friends in the magic world — through the various bulletin boards — what was going on with Melanie Kerr and her website.

Inside Magic is a massive organization with fives of dollars worth of equipment and some of the most talented non-programming types working upwards of two to three hours a week to produce what you read here on a daily basis — except when we had that horrible incident a few weeks back and we were essentially dead in the water.

But every month I read Magic Magazine and every month I see full page or quarter page four-color advertisements for Melaine Kerr and her website. But when I try to learn more, something really bad happens.

Read On . . .

I don’t know Melanie Kerr. I’ve never met her and I hope that she is doing well. I have read the Magic Magazine for quite a while and was always impressed by the professional quality of her advertisements. They were big, clean and in four-colors. That has got to cost some bucks.

To give you an example: when I tried to take out a dealers’ only ad in a major magic publication (not Magic Magazine) for my “Levitate Any Spectator,” I was amazed by the cost. For just one month, it would cost me more than $1,200. That figure included the set-up, camera-ready something or other, and the final ad placement. That was for a half page. Sure, there would be a discount if I put the same ad in for the next seven or eight years, but that only shaved a few bucks off the $1,200.

I couldn’t afford it and so I went to a bank to borrow money to pay for the ad. The banker said I had a lousy business plan because no bank would support a magic trick and certainly not one that was already done by David Blaine. I tried to explain that my trick was different — I made the spectators (up to three or 500 lbs) levitate up to 18 inches off the ground.

The distinction was lost on the “Junior Vice President in Charge of Saying No.” He suggested I invent a way to tear the head off a chicken and make it come back to life. I didn’t bother to tell him that Blaine had done this one as well. I stole one of their pens — nearly jerking my arm out of joint when the chain snapped me back to the teller cage — and left.

Melinda is Still Number One in My Book

So anyway, I sit and brood and read magic magazines of all types and keep seeing Melanie Kerr and her beautiful ads and her mkmagic.com. I finally went to the site and found it to be a nice site. There are some nice interviews and a crystal casket for sale along with some starter tricks. At the top of the page, there is an image of the lovely Melaine lying on a beach or some place where it is so hot that you can barely wear anything. She invites you to join her magic club to get free pictures and newsletters and “members’ only” privileges.

I figured this must be where she was making her money to pay for the advertisements. I tried to join in November, December, January, part of February and part of March (it was Lent and I gave up trying to join things on the Internet with pretty women), April and now May, June and the first five days of July.  (That sounds kind of creepy, doesn’t it?  Like I don’t have a life.)

I was frustrated at each turn. If you try to join as a basic member for $9.95, you get a CGI error telling you there is something wrong with the way shopping card program is running on her server. If you go for the full, premium membership for $29.95, you get the same error. You don’t even get a nicer or more premium error message if you are trying to pay full-freight.

I have encountered the same error each time I’ve tried. I presumed, based on extensive self-reflection, that it was me. Some how Melanie knew me and didn’t want me to join. I asked my wife to try to join and she asked me to move away from her. I tried at work — thinking the different IP address would fool Melanie — and my IT Security guy called immediately and said I would be written up. (I am so glad I did this from my secretary’s computer. I told the IT cop I would take a message for her.)

So there is a mystery to be solved. I’ve written Melanie and asked if it was just me she was trying to avoid by the old “fake CGI error message” gambit. But she didn’t write back. I’ll keep trying. That’s the kind of journalist and lonely individual I am.

As I said earlier, and I mean this sincerely, I hope that Melanie Kerr is alright and something horrible hasn’t happened; in which case, my levity would be in very bad taste.

If you have any clues to this mystery or, if it is just me and you’re able to get into the site without a problem, let me know.

I’m going to try again now. I have to wait for my secretary to take a smoke break. I feel guilty that I’ve discouraged her to stop smoking just so I can use her computer to surf for things like this but I have a higher calling to the readers of Inside Magic.

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