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A Nice Fire to Work By

The fire here in the drawing room is indeed roaring and I am beginning to think my wife was correct in her advice to start the fire in a fireplace rather than in a trash can under the drapes. She?s a wise one, she is. She could see the consequences of my actions better than I could and coincidentally, that is what this column is about.

I have essentially five card tricks that I do in every impromptu show I do. If I am performing in a bar, in an airport, on a plane, in an airport bar or by the bar cart on an airplane, I do the same five card tricks. I start with a classic force and a faux muscle read to determine the identity of the card; a riffle force to begin one of the least ambitious, ambitious card routine into a three card ambitious card; followed by a card to wallet or pocket and then Paul Curry?s Out of this World modified (I think by Vernon) to use a non-set up deck. And that?s it.

My stage routine is as it has been for the last four hundred years. In fact, genetically, each of my gametes had half of this routine stored in their partial DNA before I was even born. I do Bob Cassidy?s Chronologue, Gene Anderson?s Torn and Restored Newspaper, Max Maven?s B?Wave and finally a memorized deck routine stolen almost entirely from Bob Cassidy. I have often thought I should drop the Torn and Restored because it is not mental magic but I use it to show how things can appear to be what they are not.

What is my point in telling you the content of my acts? I guess it is this ? hang on, I am going to throw my drink at the…

A Nice Fire to Work By

What is my point in telling you the content of my acts? I guess it is this ? hang on, I am going to throw my drink at the flaming curtains. Oh, I should have thought that my morning cocktail of Tang and grain alcohol would actually encourage the fire rather than repress it. Anyway.

My point in telling you my acts is to point out that in both routines, I use essentially no props. The close-up routine uses only a deck of cards. The stage routine uses the minimum of props. The only non-hand-made prop in the routine is the B?Wave.

Despite the fact that I use the same effects that I?ve used since the late 1930?s when I genetically performed in the last days of Vaudeville through my grandparents, I have about Two Billion (U.S.) dollars worth of magic in my vast underground storerooms.

Why?

Sixth Wife: “Why Do We Have So Much Magic Junk?”

My sixth wife used to point out that I spend more money on magic tricks that I don?t use than food or clothing. I think she was correct. I do have the latest, greatest packet trick, the latest in gimmicked coins as produced by Johnson, Sterling and Sasco. On the other hand, I have my one suit, a block of Velveeta Cheese and some suspicious-smelling Ritz Crackers.

Why?

I have never attended a lecture in my life that I haven?t bought something. I am the guy who rushes to the sales table immediately after the show to buy a video of what I just watched. I buy every gimmicked card (Simon Aaronson), coin (Doc Eason), straw (Bubbles), box (Fukai), string and amulet (Tim Ellis) and book or lecture notes.

I?ve never ? hang on, the drapes are extinguished but now the decorative trim that lines the great ceiling here in the Drawing Room has lit up and the flame is circling the room like a halo. It?s kind of pretty. I will try to extinguish it by running around and blowing on the glowing embers.

Back to my ramblings.

I?ve never gone to a convention without purchasing more gimmicked stuff or stage equipment I will never, ever use. My best friend and I purchased a ?Burned Alive? illusion at an auction. We got it for $10.00 but ended up giving it away when we couldn?t figure out a way to get it home.

Ha, ?Burned Alive,? that?s ironic or at least interestingly coincidental.

So why do I do it? Why do I buy that which I know in my heart of hearts, I will not use? Why would I rather hide food in my pockets stolen from a convention?s opening night cocktail party than buy meals for the next three days just to be able to buy more stuff? Why do I have books, videos, DVDs and that I will never read or study?

Burning Mansion = New Tricks!

Couldn?t my life in magic be set with just a few effects that I will really use and a library (now almost fully consumed with the flames that have dropped from the cascading ceiling) consisting of the tomes of Tarbell, Bobo, Rice, Erdnase, Vernon and the videos or DVDs by Cassidy, Zarro, Ammar, and the Time-Life Series on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions through out the years?

Just one more second: There is someone at my front door. I?ll be right back.

It was the fire department. They said they would put out the fire but I?d have to move to another room while they bring in their hoses. I?ve asked them to please wait just a second so I can finish this article. (They are so pushy, ?Sir, if you don?t let us put the fire out, you could lose this house.? Sure, how can you lose the house? I have the address memorized.)

I guess magic is an obsession that cannot be explained. My seventh wife used to joke ? before our messy divorce where she accused me of caring more about my rabbits than her (that?s all the detail I?ll give, you can read the testimony, it?s public) ? that magic was the hole into which all my money vanished.

The Only DVD I Saved from the Fire

I?ll let the pushy guys from the fire department into what?s left of the drawing room. I can?t wait to use the insurance money to get some more stuff.