It is the policy of Inside Magic – a company unrelated to Magic Inside (a pseudo-Twinkie manufacturer now defunct) or Magic Outside (a well-established camping equipment rental for witches) or Magic Inside Out (a surgical practice specializing in removing things from people with “exceptional skill and knowledge of modern medicine combined with medical waste management) – to publish responses to emails received on a quarterly basis or earlier if required by a court of appropriate jurisdiction. If you have a question or letter to the editor, please feel free to write to email@example.com.
Q: In one of your stories you said that a man in some country did a really amazing trick with some kind of animal. Can you tell me what that article was and where I can find it?
A: From your detailed question, we were able to find the exact article, “Man Does Amazing Trick with an Animal.” We have sent you a PDF version of the article but as you likely know, it was removed from the InsideMagic.com website in response to adverse reaction not to performing magic tricks with animals, but, in the words of Professor of English Literature at the London Community College, “intentionally or reckless vagueness of subject and object in a headline.” Our lawyer said the chances of losing the case was low but because we only had about $4.78 in petty cash at the time – and all of that went to the lawyer – we decided we could not afford the risk. We removed the article and apologized to readers. See, “We’re Sorry We Had a Vague Headline on an Article We Published a While Ago.”
Q: Why don’t you have Mandrake the Magician comics anymore?
A: It’s true we used to run the Mandrake comic each day. We ran out of money and so we had to end our license with King Features Syndicate — publisher of Mandrake. We tried to replace the very popular feature – indeed, readers told us it was the only reason they read InsideMagic.com – with JoJo the Magic Clown comics. While not as well-known as Mandrake, the JoJo series featured a magician who investigated crimes he himself committed. The series ended after a week due to this unfortunate plot design. We then went with Ranger Steve comics. These strips lasted longer than JoJo but had nothing to do with magic. They were daily exploration of the animal world. No one read Ranger Steve; not even the editors of the comic. There were constant errors such as “the rabbit is the only flower that can create seeds without birds.” We reported the strip to the London Community College English Literature department.
Q: Every ad for a trick says, “It’s the best ever” or “I was fooled constantly by this one” or “This is a trick that wows audiences and slays magicians.” Which one should I buy?
A: You’re right that many advertisers make claims that an effect is unique and the best thing to ever come down the pike. In fact, we received an email today that said just that, “this effect is unique and the best thing to ever come down the pike.” In our opinion, the best trick is the InsideMagic.com “Incredi-deck.” It is the only combination of a marked deck where every card is the same. The possibilities are endless. You’ll know immediately whether the person took the card you handed them because it will have the name of the card written in ink visible only to those wearing the Incredi-glasses or Incredi-contact lenses (sold separately). We printed up about 1,000 decks and still have just over 900 left (if you consider “just over” to mean, 987). We sold out of the Incredi-glasses and Incredi-contact lenses to a spy organization that we think works for either the U.S. or some other country. The reviews on the deck and vision methods were fantastic – but only from the spy organization and even then only in coded messages visible only whilst wearing the Incredi-glasses or Incredi-contacts. We would re-print them here but we’re not sure about international spy regulations when it comes to copyright law.
Q: At that party at the convention before Covid-19, you left early and forgot to pay for your ticket. We’ll wave the penalty fee and interest but insist you pay for the ticket. If we do not hear back from you with payment, we may be forced to pursue legal action.
A: We weren’t at that party and we didn’t leave early, it was just running so long with the constant music, free-flowing drinks, wonderful, mini-wieners on toothpicks (by the way, you should warn guests that there is a toothpick in the mini-wieners before they eat a handful), that we would have been well-within our right to leave early; if we had been there but we weren’t. We should send you the hospital bill for the removal of tooth picks lodged at various points in our digestive system. We used Magic Inside and Out and they did a great job. The best version of wood removal from a digestive track to come down the pike.