Corrections and Letters: Slow Magic News Day

 

Letters, We Get Letters!

It is the policy of Inside Magic to provide prompt and full corrections, retractions, and apologies when caught. Rather than post ten to fifteen corrections/apologies a day for the errors made the previous day, Inside Magic posts the more significant notices as a group.

 

Inside Magic reserves the right to post these corrections on slow news days or when it suspects no one is actually reading. Inside Magic also reserves the right to post the corrections in a confusing manner — such as in the format of a "letter to the editor" or "question."

 

Inside Magic assumes no responsibility for anything or for anyone but does very much regret its so-called "stalking" or "autograph seeking" or "trying to grab or grapple" a certain famous magician (female) during a post-convention party on mainland Pennsylvania.

Inside Magic does admit the gender of the alleged victim of Inside Magic's zealous devotion is not relevant but mentions the magician was a "she" only to look less freaky.

 

Inside Magic also notes it has returned virtually all of the pairs of shoes it borrowed from the hotel room of the certain famous woman magician.

 

 

 

 

In the June 14th, 1999 European edition, Inside Magic inadvertently suggested a certain photograph had "scratch-and-sniff" properties. Inside Magic regrets the unfortunate frustration of tens of European readers as they scratched and sniffed their computer monitors. Additionally, Inside Magic apologizes to the estate of Oscar(r) Winning Actress Shelly Winters, the subject of the questionable photograph.

 

 

As part of a long-running advertisement on matchbook covers in the Southern United States, Inside Magic challenged users to "draw Hoppy and win a magic-art scholarship." While the contest was legitimate, and 'Hoppy – the Crystal Meth Rabbit' was easy to draw, Inside Magic should have instructed the contestant to remove the matches before sending in their entries.

While not admitting responsibility, Inside Magic has offered its apology and insurance policy limits to the central postal facilities of Mystic Hollow, Michigan for their unfortunate and unexplainable conflagration. Inside Magic also regrets its suggestion that rabbits in general, and 'Hoppy' specifically, are more 'attractive and enjoyable when hopped-up on Scootch.'

'Hopped-up on Scootch' is the trademark of Boarded-Up Crack Den, Inc. of Davison, California.

 

 

 

 

Thomas J. writes to Inside Magic: "Where has David Blaine gone? I'll tell you where. He's been disappeared by the forces that be, that's where! Check it out. Why would his last trick be him sitting in a glass box for 44-days?

Burger Chef and Jeff

They…

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Letters, We Get Letters!

It is the policy of Inside Magic to provide prompt and full corrections, retractions, and apologies when caught. Rather than post ten to fifteen corrections/apologies a day for the errors made the previous day, Inside Magic posts the more significant notices as a group.

 

Inside Magic reserves the right to post these corrections on slow news days or when it suspects no one is actually reading. Inside Magic also reserves the right to post the corrections in a confusing manner — such as in the format of a "letter to the editor" or "question."

 

Inside Magic assumes no responsibility for anything or for anyone but does very much regret its so-called "stalking" or "autograph seeking" or "trying to grab or grapple" a certain famous magician (female) during a post-convention party on mainland Pennsylvania.

Inside Magic does admit the gender of the alleged victim of Inside Magic's zealous devotion is not relevant but mentions the magician was a "she" only to look less freaky.

 

Inside Magic also notes it has returned virtually all of the pairs of shoes it borrowed from the hotel room of the certain famous woman magician.

 

 

 

 

In the June 14th, 1999 European edition, Inside Magic inadvertently suggested a certain photograph had "scratch-and-sniff" properties. Inside Magic regrets the unfortunate frustration of tens of European readers as they scratched and sniffed their computer monitors. Additionally, Inside Magic apologizes to the estate of Oscar(r) Winning Actress Shelly Winters, the subject of the questionable photograph.

 

 

As part of a long-running advertisement on matchbook covers in the Southern United States, Inside Magic challenged users to "draw Hoppy and win a magic-art scholarship." While the contest was legitimate, and 'Hoppy – the Crystal Meth Rabbit' was easy to draw, Inside Magic should have instructed the contestant to remove the matches before sending in their entries.

While not admitting responsibility, Inside Magic has offered its apology and insurance policy limits to the central postal facilities of Mystic Hollow, Michigan for their unfortunate and unexplainable conflagration. Inside Magic also regrets its suggestion that rabbits in general, and 'Hoppy' specifically, are more 'attractive and enjoyable when hopped-up on Scootch.'

'Hopped-up on Scootch' is the trademark of Boarded-Up Crack Den, Inc. of Davison, California.

 

 

 

 

Thomas J. writes to Inside Magic: "Where has David Blaine gone? I'll tell you where. He's been disappeared by the forces that be, that's where! Check it out. Why would his last trick be him sitting in a glass box for 44-days?

Burger Chef and Jeff

They wanted him to be seen so much the public got sick of seeing him so that when they kidnapped him, we wouldn't care. It's happened before. When was the last time you saw Chef Boyardee? Right. How about Jeff, Burger Chef's little friend? Do you think it is any coincidence he was dating Daryl Strawberry when he vanished?

I heard from this one guy Blaine is working at a J.C. Penny's in Orlando now. He's in the Junior Petites or something. Why doesn't the so-called Magic Press talk about that? I'll tell you why, they've been bought off by the vipers that run the so-called Balloon-Twisting Schools. Balloon-Twisting is just another way of introducing contraception into the public schools.

Blaine knew that and was about to expose it. Ask yourself this, why is the only thing these balloon twisters make something that looks like a dog? Even if it is a sword or a 'bow and arrow' or a giraffe, it always looks like some derivative of a dog. I'll tell you why, because 'dog' in Esperanto means either 'lunch' or 'control.' Wake up!

 

Editor Responds: We agree with you, Thomas. We too noticed all the same things. Fortunately we were able to have our attending physician reduce the Haldol dosage and increase the Prolixin amount. Suggest to your medical team they titrate until improvement is evident for more than 48 hrs. Plus, Mr. Blaine never dated vituperate, troubled, but incredibly talented baseball player Daryl Strawberry.

 

You may be confusing Mr. Strawberry with Dwight Gooden — another famous, talented, but troubled New York player arrested in a Tampa (FL) prostitution sting.

As for Balloon Twisting, check out our Inside Magic Book of the Month Club Selection for February 2004, Blow Me Up, Twist Me 'Round, and Pop Me: Memoirs of a Balloon Bad Boy where Pancho "Wally" Hernandez practically admits the direct correlation between balloon twisting and Free-Masonry.

 

 

 

 

In its first edition of Inside Magic's Guide to Magic in Twenty Top Cities, Inside Magic inadvertently didn't write the booklet but copied it word-for-word from a book of a similar name, Twenty Top Cities Magic Insiders. As a result of this unfortunate "borrowing," the book had nothing to do with magic, magic clubs, magic shows, or magic shops. Additionally, three of the magic venues listed in the guide were the subject of sting operations resulting in the arrest of Dwight Gooden, Daryl Strawberry, and someone who looks like us but isn't.

 

 

 

 

In the May 16th, 2001 edition of Inside Magic, we inadvertently revealed every great illusion ever performed on the American Stage. In a noble but poorly-executed plan to "expose the exposer," we thought by revealing the secrets of the Masked Magician, we would be hurting his popularity.

 

Unfortunately, we only added to public's knowledge of our most precious secrets. Additionally, as was noted by several magicians, in the performance of Andre Kole's Table of Death, the performer's finishing position should be on top of the spike-covered panel after it slams onto the table below.

Our exposure was ambiguous, "the performer's finishing position should be under the spike-covered panel after it slams onto the table below." Ironically, this position would make the illusion less of a "trick" and more of a macabre snuff performance piece.

 

 

 

 

Mel-Linda of Las Vegas, NV write(s): Sirs, you constantly refer to "Melinda" as the "First Lady of Magic." I have owned the name "Mel-Linda" for my magic act since 1974 and still perform under the title. Granted, my Siamese-twin partner in the routine, Linda, no longer performs but she is still present during all of the routines and thus the title is correct.

By not distinguishing between "Melinda" and "Mel-Linda" you do both Ms. Saxe and my sister and me a great disservice. There have been many occasions where booking agents or clients have mistakenly hired Linda and me, only to be disappointed when we show up.

I am sure Melinda has experienced similar situations where clients are disappointed to find a single, non-genetically mutated, woman performer when they expected conjoined, diversely gendered twins attached at the lower-jaw. Please be more careful to avoid this confusion in the future.

 

Editor Responds: It is ironic your note would arrive on the same day as we planned our annual office retreat. Last year, the Inside Magic staff visited Las Vegas for a week and had a wonderful time seeing the shows and sights.

We even had a chance to sit on the very motorcycle Melinda, The First Lady of Magic, used in her wonderful shows for so many years.

 

How different it would have been if we had sat on a motorcycle built for conjoined twins attached at the face where one of the twins no longer wished to participate in the act but stood next to the performing, male twin as he performed Dove Pan, Rice Bowls, Hippity Hop Rabbits, and a disturbing version of the Sub-Trunk.

Thank you for your clarification. We had thought of returning to Las Vegas this year but have lost our appetite and would not want to visit if we were unable to take advantage of the buffets.

 

 

 

 

In a forth-coming edition of Inside Magic's Mentalism Edition, we will incorrectly identify the inventor of the Jumbo Version of Find the Lady, to Mel-Linda, a Las Vegas magic act not to be confused by the attractive, talented, and not usually conjoined Melinda.

 

 

 

 

In the Amish Edition of Inside Magic for January 25th, 2005, we inadvertently described the secret to Harry Blackstone, Jr.'s Floating Light bulb Illusion as well as Thurston's Vanishing Automobile. We would normally write that we regretted the errors but under the "no harm, no foul" doctrine (see, In Re Cancellation of NBC Series 'Different Strokes,' 226 F.Supp. 21, 24-25 (S.D.N.Y. 1997)), there is no need.

Similarly, we see no need to apologize for the inadvertent disclosure of the Neutered and Un-Neutered Calf effect in our regular edition of the same day.

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