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Same Old, Same Old

From time to time and as necessary or as demanded, Inside Magic provides retractions, corrections and letters to the editor. We would rather not make mistakes ? or having made the mistakes ? we would rather not have them pointed out. Given our proclivity to be above reproach, we hesitantly open any email directed to editor@insidemagic.com and carefully read the contents with an eye towards avoiding any culpability. The following are issues we were not able to dodge.

Read On . . .

Q: Why is it that you don’t have more articles about Sno-Kone Makers or Cotton Candy Machines? Did you know that miniature donuts are the third leading food sold at carnivals and flea markets (behind Elephant Ears/Funnel Cakes and Corn Dogs)? C. Letus ? Holland, Michigan.

A: I think you have this site confused with Carney Food Insider. We have long taken the position that the food statistics given for carnival and flea markets are often inaccurate and manipulated by the three major grease manufacturers.

In 1974, Senator Fullbright of Arkansas held his famous hearings on the then five major grease manufacturers (Flaming Fat merged with Cloggco in 1985 and Pure Lard was bought out (except for the assets in Las Vegas and Laughlin, Nevada) by Saturate in 1992 after the so-called ‘Mad Fat Disease’ scare that nearly destroyed the industry). I bring your attention to the questioning of Darren Althou of Cyst Oil by the Chairman:

Chairman: Isn’t it true that the figures given for so-called elephant ears is grossly exaggerated to promote the idea that, quote, ‘everyone eats carny food?’

Mr. Althou: Not that I am aware of, Mr. Chairman.

Chairman: So the figures published each month in Chewy Times, which I note is the…

Same Old, Same Old

Read On . . .

Chairman: Isn’t it true that the figures given for so-called elephant ears is grossly exaggerated to promote the idea that, quote, ‘everyone eats carny food?’

Mr. Althou: Not that I am aware of, Mr. Chairman.

Chairman: So the figures published each month in Chewy Times, which I note is the industry publication for carnivals and flea markets, are accurate.

Mr. Althou: Yes sir, that is my understanding.

Chairman: So, in this month’s issue ? the one with Donny and Marie on the cover appearing at the Florida State Fair ? has accurate figures?

Mr. Althou: Yes sir.

Chairman: How do you account for the fact that you and your brethren grease companies say over 290 million elephant ears had been served last month? That’s more than the entire population of the United States. I don’t recall eating an elephant ear last month.

Mr. Althou: Sir, first of all. Cyst Oil is not a “grease company” nor are its competitors. Secondly, the Donny and Marie cover was for the double issue ? it actually covered two months, May and June ? and also that included elephant ears and funnel cakes.

Chairman: Well, hell, I didn’t have a funnel cake either. . . .

Inside Magic focuses primarily on magic as a performing art. We will have a special edition coming out in late September featuring Ben D’Alise and his multiplying snow cones and cut and restored pretzel dough but that is the closest we come to carny food magic.

Q: If Dai Vernon used his super powers, could he beat David Copperfield? How about David Blaine? Kenny ? Oak Ridge, Tennessee.

Could He Beat Vernon?

A: While Mr. Vernon was an expert in many fields of magic, it is generally agreed that he did not possess real magical powers and certainly, most experts believe he did not have “super magical powers.”

That being said, in a recent edition of the comic book series True Tales of Dai Vernon, the writers suggest that the Professor and his faithful dog ‘Tally Ho’ could beat the evil under-lord Valentino and his Valentino Tots. I know there was an old issue of True Tales of Dai Vernon back when it was being published by DC Comics and drawn by Sean Reme, that showed how the Professor and Winnie (his first companion ? the cocktail waitress by day and magic crime fighter by night) defeated someone who looked an awful lot like Harry Blackstone, Sr.

By the transitive property of comic book action heros, that would mean Dai Vernon and Tally Ho could easily take David Blaine and David Copperfield. One of the more touching editions featured the death of Winnie at the hands of an evil “television magician.” To my way of thinking, that’s foreshadowing of the battle you are asking about.

Q: If all of the major shampoo companies are willing to forego chemical testing on rabbits, why won’t magicians do the same and leave them out of their tricks? L. White ? Bronson, Florida.

A: Well, first of all, BlisterEye still uses bunnies in its testing; so your premise is wrong. Secondly, magicians are one of the most important parts of the great Circle of Life. Like the deer population of Michigan, or the Elk in Washington State or Wolves in Arizona, rabbits need to be taken out of the wild to prevent overpopulation and starving.

The Department of the Interior published a study recently that showed in those areas where there are no magicians; the population of rabbits was seven to seven and a half times greater than those areas where magicians worked. For instance, to compare all of Nevada with Las Vegas and Reno, you find that in the desert area where there are few magicians working regularly, there are thousands of rabbits per square mile. However, if you look at Vegas and subtract the number or rabbits being used in magic shows or being served to foreigners, there are literally just hundreds.

It would be an easy answer to say magicians shouldn’t use rabbits in their acts but unless you have actually been there and performed in the real magic world, you wouldn’t know just how loud children can shriek in horror when you pull a rattle snake or rabid fox from your hat.

Q: Why do all magicians do the same tricks? It’s always either floating some woman, or impaling her, or making her appear, or cutting her in half, or making her disappear. Can’t they come up with something new? Peanut ? Wilmington, Delaware.

A: No.

Q: When I am doing a double lift from the bottom of the deck to get into position for a one-handed riffle force, what is the best way to get my third finger into the position it needs to be? B. Bee ? Andulsia, Spain.

A: First, thank you for your question. Magic sure is fun and it is the kind of hobby that can be so exciting that it consumes you ? and it apparently already has. If you are taking the time to write an email to Inside Magic about how to hold a double lift on the bottom of the deck to do a riffle force, I have to question your priorities. You are either being sardonic or stupid.

Houdin (that’s Robert Houdin, not Houdini) wrote that a “Magician is an actor playing the role of a magician.” He also wrote, “the double lift is, to me, a waste of time. A double lift on the bottom of the deck is a double waste of time. A magician should never play the role of a magician performing a double lift on the bottom of the deck.”

The French, of course being, “le double ascenseur est, ? moi, une perte de temps. Un double ascenseur sur le fond de la plate-forme est une double perte de temps. Un magicien devrait ne jamais jouer le r?le d’un magicien ex?cutant un double ascenseur sur le fond de la plate-forme.”

You note, in the French he could have been saying, “The double lift is to me what I need to do with my waist. A magician should never play with his waist while eating a roll lest he get butter on his bottom.”

I suggest you check out Jean Hugard’s treatise, Double Lifting Top, Bottom and Middle. Mr. Hugard is the only man, with or without a woman’s name, I know that could do a double lift in the center of a deck. He pointed out, however, that there was almost no use for this sleight. “A double lift in the middle of a deck is about as useful as your cousin on a date: to the outside world it looks normal but you know it’s not going anywhere.”

Address your questions, no matter how off topic, to editor@insidemagic.com