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Tim Quinlan Addresses Crowd Tonight

The following is from C-SPAN 2 at 11:40 pm November 9^th. This address was given by Tim Quinlan, Magic Candidate for the U.S. Presidency. He took no questions at the conclusion of the address. It runs approximately 20 minutes.

First things first: I would like to say late last night I called both President Bush and Senator Kerry to concede my campaign. It is now apparent that even if there was a recount in all 50 states, I would not have sufficient votes to win the Presidential Election.

I know more than anyone here tonight just how disappointing it is to fail. There are those who suggested all along that our country was not ready for a magician/president. That was why we opened our campaign in the heart of anti-magician sentiment, Kleesburg, Indiana. You will recall that despite the egging of our campaign bus and the arrest of our supporters, we continued.

Our campaign was shunned by the popular, anti-magician media throughout our travels. We were forced to buy very expensive advertising and if not for the constant support of a few millionaire magicians, we would not have made it this far.

We were particularly devastated by the anti-magician campaigns of a few but well supported section 527 groups. The so-called ?Magicians Assistants for Truth? ads cut us to the core. Their claims that we relegated them to ?box jumpers? and ?human distractions? seemed to hit home with an uninformed public. I recall being interviewed in Iowa by a young woman who asked ?how could you make them get into boxes so small they couldn?t even turn around? Did you think they were lower than veal??

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Tim Quinlan Addresses Crowd Tonight

That hurt personally and it hurt the campaign. When we sponsored the ads to counter this propaganda, it may have already been too late. Some have pointed to our cooperation with the America?s Beef and Cattle Association as a reason for its failure. I personally liked the animated veal cows jumping in and out of the Zig-Zag, Doll House Illusion, and the Cow without a Middle. I was apparently alone in this appreciation. Our campaign took a major dive.

In the closing days, we fought mightily to return the debate to the real issues facing this country: the high price of foreign-made roughing fluid; the extreme cost of magician malpractice insurance; the effect of rebounding from the Atkins diet on our assistants? bodies; and the lack outlets for younger magicians. We teamed with the National Rifle Association to support common interests: ?When Guns Are Outlawed, Only Criminals will Shoot Ribbons Through Girls? and ?If You Want My Bullets, You?ll Have to Pry My Cold, Dead Teeth of Them.? These ads probably hurt us too.

Our hope is not gone, however. I received the commitment from men and women all across this great country to fight for magicians? rights. To demand the fat cat lobbyists hire magicians to their private dinner meetings to perform walk-around close-up before going about the business of subverting the will of the people. To re-open the FBI?s investigation into the ?mysterious? background of the Masked Magician and his physical similarity to the actor who played Horshack on the 1970?s hit sit-com ?Welcome Back Kotter.? And finally, to ease anti-smoking regulation that would keep children from learning some of the classics of sleight of hand.

We have hope because we have seen America. We know it is possible because we are the masters of the impossible. We know there is a bright future because we hold the cards and they are in a stacked deck.

It is, therefore, with profound sadness that I now open the sealed envelope we hung on this lamppost some 19 months ago that holds our prediction of the election?s outcome. And while this revelation proves we were able to predict the future, it also proves our time has not yet come.

Thank you.